The Power of Partner Massage During Pregnancy: Connection, Oxytocin, and Care
"My partner wants to help with my pregnancy aches and pains, but they don't know what to do. Would learning some massage techniques actually make a difference?" This is one of my favorite questions to hear from expecting couples because the answer is such a resounding yes!
Partner massage during pregnancy isn't just about easing physical discomfort—though it absolutely does that. It's about connection, building confidence, increasing oxytocin, and creating patterns of care that will serve you through labor and into the postpartum period.
Let me break down why partner massage during pregnancy is about so much more than easing a backache.
The Science of Touch: Oxytocin and Connection
You probably already know that oxytocin plays a crucial role during labor and birth—it's the hormone that triggers contractions and helps with milk let-down after your baby arrives. But did you know that oxytocin also plays a vital role in our adult intimate relationships, creating feelings of connection, trust, affection, attachment, security, and closeness?
These are exactly the feelings we want present in our birthing spaces and as we navigate the transition of growing our families!
Research consistently shows that couples who offer each other more affectionate touch—including backrubs, handholding, and hugging—tend to be happier and more satisfied in their relationships. Physical affection correlates positively with relationship and partner satisfaction, and this intimate, non-sexual touch has unique benefits for both partners.
A 2012 study found that 15 minutes of moderate-pressure massage resulted in a 17% increase in oxytocin, helping people relax while also reporting less pain, stress, and anxiety after massage. Even more fascinating? A 2015 study found that oxytocin levels increase not just in the person receiving massage, but also in the person giving the massage! And research from 2019 shows that hand-administered massage (rather than massage done by a machine) triggers more oxytocin release for the recipient and activates brain regions involved in social connection and reward.
This means that when your partner massages you during pregnancy, you're both benefiting from increased oxytocin, strengthening your bond right when you need it most.
Partner Massage Benefits During Pregnancy
The benefits of massage during pregnancy are well-documented, and when that massage comes from your partner, there are additional layers of connection and intimacy. Here's what research (and my years of experience with pregnant couples) has shown:
Physical Comfort
Pregnancy brings its own unique discomforts: lower back pain, swollen feet, tight shoulders from carrying extra weight in front, sciatic pain, and general achiness. Even simple massage techniques can provide significant relief. Your partner doesn't need to be a trained massage therapist—gentle, caring touch with basic techniques can ease tension and improve circulation.
Stress and Anxiety Reduction
Massage has been shown to decrease stress hormones and increase feelings of relaxation. During pregnancy, when anxiety about the upcoming birth and life changes can feel overwhelming, having your partner provide soothing touch can be incredibly grounding.
Better Sleep
In a recent study of pregnant people with preeclampsia, twenty minutes of foot massage three times a week significantly reduced both insomnia and anxiety. While this study focused on people with a specific pregnancy complication, imagine how powerful this free resource—gentle massage at home—could be for any pregnant couple struggling with sleep.
Building Labor Support Skills
Learning massage techniques during pregnancy gives partners practical skills they can use during labor. Counter-pressure on the lower back, hand massage, foot rubs, and shoulder squeezes become tools in their support toolkit. When labor begins, your partner will already know how you like to be touched and will have confidence in their ability to help. Want to learn a few positions for massage during labor? Download our free Beginner’s Guide to Labor Massage.
Emotional Connection
Pregnancy can sometimes feel isolating, even when you have a supportive partner. The physical changes are happening in the pregnant person's body, and partners can feel uncertain about how to connect or help. Recent research demonstrates that massage triggers oxytocin release, which shapes both pain relief and touch reward through the nervous system, creating a beautiful cycle of connection and care.
What Makes Partner Massage Special
There's something uniquely powerful about receiving a massage from someone who loves you. While professional prenatal massage (which I obviously believe in!) offers skilled therapeutic work, partner massage offers something different: intimacy, availability, and the ongoing practice of caring for each other.
Research has found that hand-administered massage (meaning massage by human touch) increases oxytocin release and activates brain regions involved in social cognition and reward—but notably, machine-administered massage doesn't have the same effect. It's the human connection that amplifies the benefits. And presumably when that intentional care is coming from someone who matters to you, the benefits could be even greater!
Partner massage during pregnancy is also incredibly accessible. You don't need a massage table, special equipment, or an hour-long session. Even ten minutes of foot massage while watching a show together, or a shoulder rub while the pregnant person sits on the edge of the bed, can make a meaningful difference.
Simple Partner Massage Techniques for Pregnancy
Your partner doesn't need formal training to offer supportive touch during pregnancy (although, of course, we do teach that in two courses!). Today I’m sharing some quickly accessible techniques.
(If you are ready for just a little more instruction, I’d love to see you in our 5-Day Partner Massage Challenge - for Pregnancy! This mini-course is 5-minutes a day of guided partner massage for pregnancy emailed directly to your inbox for 5 days diving right into hands-on massage for the most common aches of pregnancy.)
Foot Massage
Many pregnant people experience swollen, achy feet. Have the pregnant person recline comfortably with their feet accessible. Using gentle pressure, massage the soles of the feet, paying attention to the arches and heels. Use lotion or oil to reduce friction. Even this simple act can reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Lower Back Relief
The pregnant person can sit on a chair or birth ball while their partner uses the heels of their hands to apply gentle pressure on either side of the spine in the lower back staying close to the spine and then going wide onto the hips. Slow circular motions can ease tension from carrying the extra weight of pregnancy.
Shoulder and Neck Massage
With the pregnant person seated comfortably, gently knead the shoulders and upper back. Many people carry stress in their shoulders, and this tension often increases during pregnancy as posture shifts.
Hand Massage
This is perfect for moments of connection during the day. Gently massage each finger, the palm, and wrist. It's soothing and can be done anywhere—on the couch, before bed, even during a prenatal appointment.
Hip and Leg Relief
For sciatic pain or general hip discomfort, gentle massage along the outer hip and down the leg can provide relief. Always use gentle pressure during pregnancy and avoid deep tissue work until you become skilled in precautions and safety (a key focus of our signature Partner Massage Essentials for Pregnancy 3 hour workshop!)
When Partner Massage Matters Most
While any time is a good time for supportive touch, certain moments in pregnancy make partner massage especially valuable:
First trimester exhaustion and nausea – Gentle touch can be comforting when feeling unwell
Second trimester growing pains – As the belly expands, new aches emerge
Third trimester discomfort – When everything feels heavy and sleep is elusive
The final weeks – Regular massage can ease anxiety and physical discomfort while waiting for labor
Early labor at home – Those practiced techniques become incredibly useful
Creating Your Own Practice
The beauty of partner massage is that it becomes what you need it to be. Some couples set aside intentional time each week for longer massage sessions. Others integrate brief moments of touch throughout their days—a foot rub while watching a show, a shoulder massage before bed, hand-holding that becomes a hand massage.
The key is consistency and communication. The pregnant person should always feel comfortable saying what feels good, what doesn't, and when they need more or less pressure. The giving partner should check in regularly and never feel pressure to "do it perfectly"—your caring intention matters more than perfect technique!
Learning Together
If you and your partner want more structured guidance, our Partner Massage for Pregnancy course teaches specific techniques designed for pregnancy comfort and labor support. Many couples find that taking a class together builds confidence and gives partners a clear role in pregnancy care.
But even without formal training, you can start today. Set aside ten minutes tonight. Create a comfortable space. And let your partner offer the gift of caring touch. Pay attention to what feels good. Notice the connection. Feel the oxytocin flowing for both of you.
Beyond Pregnancy: Building Patterns of Care
Here's what I've observed over years of working with couples: the patterns of care you establish during pregnancy often extend into the postpartum period and beyond. Partners who regularly massage during pregnancy tend to stay engaged in the routine of hands-on caregiving after the baby arrives.
This practice of tuning into each other's needs, offering physical support, and creating moments of connection—these become the foundation for navigating the intense early weeks with a newborn, when both partners need care and connection.
Partner massage isn't just about relieving a backache, though it does that beautifully. It's about building your relationship, increasing the very hormones that will help you through labor and bonding with your baby, and creating a language of care between you.
Are you and your partner already practicing massage together, or is this something you want to explore? I'd love to hear about your experience! Share your story next time you're in for a massage, or send me an email at hello@mountainmamamassage.com.
Your relationship deserves nurturing too as you grow your family. 💞
References:
Kirca, A.S., & Cetin, N.S. (2024). The effect of classical foot massage on insomnia and anxiety in preeclamptic pregnant women: a randomized controlled study. Revista da Associação Médica Brasileira, 70(2), e20230744.
Li, Q., Becker, B., Wernicke, J., Chen, Y., Zhang, Y., Li, R., Le, J., Kou, J., Zhao, W., & Kendrick, K.M. (2019). Foot massage evokes oxytocin release and activation of orbitofrontal cortex and superior temporal sulcus. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 101, 193-203.
Morhenn, V., Beavin, L.E., & Zak, P.J. (2012). Massage increases oxytocin and reduces adrenocorticotropin hormone in humans. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, 18(6), 11-18.
Recent bioRxiv preprint (2026). Oxytocin modulation of spinal circuits drives therapeutic benefits of massage.
Sorokowska, A., Saluja, S., Sorokowski, P., et al. (2023). Love and affectionate touch toward romantic partners all over the world. Scientific Reports, 13, 4553.
